Friday, 17 May 2013

Le Shed de la Gloire

Napoleon said that every soldier carried a Marshall’s baton in his knapsack (this due to a typo on the baton ordering form) they also carried 3 socks and a pair of nose hair clippers as tired clerks, who took notes 24/7, miss-heard  a complaint to Josephine in the Imperial command tent when Bonaparte was getting ready for bed.
That very night a communiqué from Marshal of France Grandchapot  made the Emperor sleep contentedly. It was a message of valour, glory and victory… also a situations vacant ad for le Figaro; “Wanted, ADC’s. Must have own horse and good sense of direction. Bravery optional. Continence essential. Would suit young rich kid used to ducking lead shot. Apply to: le Grand Army, back door, moving target unit, l’ecole militaire, Paris (if locked push CV under door)”
And now the conclusion of… the ‘Battle of L’fictitious River’ during the ‘Campaign of Pointless Emergency of 18 umpteen’

 Forced back under relentless French pressure the 'Lights' of the Royal Regiment of Crash Test Dummies' make the enemy pay (it's a four franc
 Wellington said of Napoleon that he was a 'pounder' and he obviously thought little of the Euro but the tactic of pounding, though costly, is inching (millimetre-ing) the French forward.
 Whole Divisions are fed onto the bridge and its environs...
 Marshall Grandchapot sends ADC's to change the order of Gen. Swat d'Gnats to follow on over the bridge and to lend weight to the artillery fire being brought to bear on the far bank.
 One ADC appears to get extra nostril and falls from his horse. The men keep his fillings...presumably to send home to his mum.
 Gen. Le Fringe's men champ at the bit to be allowed to follow on to the action but, no orders yet.
 The square repels one charge after another.
 Both sides men queue to get at the enemy. Guns thunder in support and the Allies reply.
 The French Cavalry Division is being sacrificed to keep the British Division in place.
 ...and are paying a high price (eight francs for change given)
 Gen. Swat d'Gnats urges his men on to glory and accident compensation.
'Yes, yes, we've had accidents in the last 3 years!'
 Eagerly the Light's flood forward to get their claim forms.
 Artillery, Napoleons Beau fills, are wheeled into place...
 ...using approved lifting techniques...
 The British prepare to harvest French pockets.
'Are we nearly there yet?'
 ADC's sent to change Le Fringe's orders never make it, so, 25% of the French Army can't advance. Let's hope the Allies don't notice.
'Knees bent, back straight!'

 They take casualties from the heavy French artillery support.
'Le Gulp!'

 The Prussian reserves arrive the Count von Gifthorst in the lead.
 Counter battery fire wears down the Anglo-Prussian gunners.
 The British line breaks and the French fan out...
 But the arrival of the Prussian cavalry (under Baron Niti von Gritti) forces them into squares so that they might be defeated in detail...
 In goes the Prussian cavalry...
 ...sabre's swinging and moustaches bristling...
 ...and on the other square the British heavies charge home...under, say, Smithson-Smythe?
 The tired Scots are lost to a man.
 The French guns are wheeled as close to the river as they dare. try to assist their infantry squares as they are being battered and ground down.
 Anglo-Prussian artillery survivors batter the French at point blank range...
 At last...the rest of the Prussian's be deployed out of range of the French guns.
 Smithson-Smythes lot bounce...
 ...leaving it to the guns...
 Baron niti von Gritti's men bounce too...not really a day for cavalry heroics.
 Finally, the French cavalry make it over (and get mown down again)
...but the next lot exploit the gap. The square falls. The allied guns are silenced. The British have broken and the Prussian's are just in the nick of too late. L'fictitious bridge belongs to France.

Breathless, we drink coffee and set our minds to the next scenario. Will the outcome of the 'Campaign of Pointless Emergency' please or disappoint the Emperor? We shall have to see...

Thanks to all the usual sufferers of these games. Ta mucho to Alan C and Colin L for the use of some of their lovely figures.


  1. Very cool. And very entertaining!

  2. What a bottleneck! Thanks for sharing part two, I hope there will be further Napoleonic adventures on the horizon :)

  3. Top looking game, wonderful photos and a most entertaining 'commentary'; thanks!

  4. THAT'S how an AAR should be written! Highly entertaining write-up. Well done!

  5. Great pictures, lovely troops, excellent AAR! Looks like a good time!

  6. Thanks very much for your comments, much appreciated. The guys put on a first rate game and I just take pictures, groan at my dice rolling and enjoy myself.