Monday, 18 July 2011

Revolting Battle

We've got a revolting battle going...American colonists, whine about tax (yeah! we were going to keep the French out for free!) and instead of saying "Fair enough, we really didn't want to have to learn French and eat disgusting food so here is a small contribution for all your blood and treasure..thanks awfully." Talk about a bunch of ungrateful, nimby, dodgy blanket flogging, language chewing.....well, you get the general idea. Would you Adam and Eve it, they declared some kind of new fangled independence malarky and (teddy out of the pram) it's war.

So, milords, ladies and gentlemen, in the red corner sporting the wigs, history and body lice and fresh from kicking the frogs up and down the high street The British 'Redcoats' Army. And introducing in the blue corner from the Eastern seaboard of the new world sporting wigs, parochialism and body odour, the Continental 'Fringe sleaved' Army.....there seconds a re the Royal Navy and Lafeyette French Army units...the ref for this bout is history and your time keeper is the grim reaper (who always makes a profit at these events).

For comedy value we are using the Republic to Empire rule system with AWI, seconds out, round one...ding! ding!

 On come the Brits, slightly out numbered but with high hopes of ending up one legged match sellers in Regent Street.

M. Boom, the French artillerist and music hall turn opens the batting.

 The sneaky British tactic... to march in two ranks...
 ...right up to the enemy...
 ...while being shot at... every weapon in range...
'Send quickly to the train de la baggage and retrieve new underwear'
 ...thereby, soaking up all the enemy's ammunition!!
 The Americans oblige.
 assisted by the French. But as the lines get closer skirmishers have less ground to play in and the inevitable exchange of fire at point blank approaches....unless somebody blinks.

Scots don't blink
'Tam, whit ur they 'trollies' they on aboot?'

Soon enough push comes to shove.

Suddenly the order is given.

'Would you mind awfully getting so fresh trolleys from the old baggage what!

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